To sophomore Lizzie Beck, teenage relationships have changed rapidly in recent years.
“Love has been made into this object. People use it as excuses or falsely use the term,” Beck said. “Love isn’t as deep as it used to be, especially in our generation, and it is difficult to see everyone misusing love when it truly is a precious thing.”
Although Beck is in a relationship, the prevalence of dating is declining among members of Generation Z. According to the American Survey Center, just 56% of Generation Z adults reported being in a relationship as a teenager. The same study found that both Millennials (69%) and members of Generation X (76%) were more likely to have relationships. In addition, older generations often have more face-to-face time with their friends.
One common catalyst of Generation Z relationships is the smartphone. Math teacher Peter Beck, who is married to his high-school sweetheart, said the ease of communication afforded through mobile devices has benefits and drawbacks.
“Due to a lot of the new technology, in some ways, relationships are a lot closer because people are in more constant communication with each other,” Mr. Beck said. “The flip side of that is there’s a lot of hidden angst, so to speak. There’s a lot less trust in each other because people are spending a lot less physical time with each other. There’s a lot more familiarity but in some ways less closeness.”
This distrust could be one of the reasons for the declining rates of Generation Z relationships. Mr. Beck said it is much harder to get into a relationship in the world now.
“It’s much harder actually, because do you really know the people who you’re with?” Mr. Beck said. “You can create your own online persona, however you want, and then when reality starts, are you really that person? I’ve seen students backstab each other left and right because of the drama that occurs when somebody says something out of context. Then, a relationship that was healthy, there’s distrust built in there because of something that may or may not have been said. People just don’t know really what to believe.”
In particular, Mr. Beck singled out social media as the most detrimental feature of modern technology towards teenage relationships.
“When it comes to relationships, people view a lot of other online relationships through rose-colored glasses,” Mr. Beck said. “They don’t really understand what it takes to be in a relationship. They see this glorified image of what a relationship is and when their relationship is not that, they don’t know what to do. Social media adds a lot of pressure to what a relationship should be. I think people see the image of what a relationship should be and get into that way too early.”
What does a relationship mean now?
Mr. Beck said there was less of an image of what an “ideal” relationship looked like in the past.
“There was definitely like the typecast of what a relationship should look like (on TV). But I felt it was pretty clear among all my peers that, okay, you know, that’s the TV relationship,” Mr. Beck said. “I feel like social media, where you see it over and over again from different people trying to post the best parts of their life, you don’t actually get to see what’s real.”
Sophomore James Ledesma, Lizzie’s partner, said he agreed and that the narrative of love has deteriorated in meaning.
“I think love has kind of been tossed around into this false narrative that it’s whatever you want it to be and that can look like anything,” Ledesma said. “Before, love was something poetic and thoughtful, something insightful, but now has turned into more of an excuse than anything, unfortunately.”
Mr. Beck said this has caused the meaning of relationships to change over time.
“I think a lot of people who are not in a relationship now actually would be considered in a relationship before,” Mr. Beck said. “A lot of people are in denial about whether they are or not. I think a lot of people play the game and they’re in multiple relationships, but don’t call it that in any of them. I think the level of commitment to one person has gone down. Because there’s so much technology and social media, you could also be leading people on and not really knowing it.”
One reason for this can be the differing views on commitment.
“Dedication and commitment is something else that’s kind of lost here,” Mr. Beck said. “We have too many options available to use sometimes that it’s like we drop one for the sake of the other (and we assume) the grass is always greener on the other side. Although we didn’t text, (my wife and I) did send letters to each other. That time you put into it makes it that much more worthwhile.”
Lizzie agreed with both Mr. Beck and Ledesma and said she cited her age as an influence on what her perspective on love was.
“My age does play a role in how I see love because I am at the age where everyone is finding themselves out, figuring out who they like, and what they like,” Lizzie said. “With the world Gen Z is growing up in, the idea of love can be bad or good depending on how you are raised.”
To love or not to love?
Regardless of the differences in generational love, the significance of a relationship has remained constant throughout the years. For Ledesma, love is about spending time with others.
“I think the biggest highlight (of being in a relationship) is being able to just see her every day and helping her grow as a person,” Ledesma said. “Being there and willing to roll in the mud with her. Love is when you put someone before you and are willing to do anything for that person, it’s when you can look past the mistakes and flaws of someone and still see the beauty in them.”
Growth is a common theme in most relationships. Lizzie said she agreed with Ledesma.
“Love is when you want the best for somebody even when it’s hard, like if they’re doing something bad and you stop them because you love them,” Lizzie said. “Sometimes love can lead to arguing because of disagreements, but it’s important that people work through these moments. The people that can do that truly know love.”
Mr. Beck said high school will continue to be an important place for relationships to develop.
“I think high school relationships are really good to understand who it is you want to date,” Mr. Beck said. “Those relationships can be powerful because you get to actually see a measure of a person’s character. You have what looks good, but then what is good, there’s a fine difference between the two. High school relationships help build that, and you understand more of who you’re compatible with.”