Students weigh the pros and cons of becoming the lone child in the household when older siblings leave for college

By Laura Peng
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Throughout his freshman year, sophomore Nikhil Dharan always asked his older brother Rohan (Class of ’09) for homework help whenever he didn’t understand an assignment. But ever since Rohan left for the University of Michigan in September, Nikhil has come to rely on his friends for assistance.

“Rohan was always there to help me with my homework if my parents couldn’t understand it because he’s taken most of the classes before,” Dharan said. “But now, I usually rely on my friends.”

Counselor Shelly Rubinstein said the absence of an older sibling may have a significant impact on an “only child” and often involves more than switching bedrooms or taking over a bathroom.
Rubinstein said, “Things are never the same after one goes away, as they mature at different rates and are exposed to new situations and experiences.” According to Rubinstein, a family unit continues to evolve after an older sibling leaves for college.

Nikhil said, “It’s hard to explain exactly what was going through my mind (after Rohan left). I felt weird throughout the school day since I knew that he wouldn’t be there when I came home.”
Nikhil said he has since grown accustomed to Rohan’s absence and that the home environment has changed in many aspects.

In addition to receiving the responsibility of mowing the lawn, Nikhil said communication with Rohan has decreased significantly ever since he left for Michigan. He speaks to Rohan once or twice a week over the phone for around 15 to 20 minutes.

“I tell him about some stuff that he might be interested in,” Nikhil said. “I ask him about how classes are going and about the friends he made. I tell him about my grades and my classes. But the conversations are limited because he isn’t always there for me to talk to.”

But the situation is the opposite for senior Shataakshi Dube. Her family continues to enjoy the presence of her older brother who attends Butler University and travels between school and home every day.

“The environment at home is relatively the same because I still get to see him every day,” Shataakshi said. “A lot of my friends’ older siblings have left for college, and they always tell me how much they miss them. They are really jealous that I don’t have to miss my brother.”

Shataakshi said an advantage of having an older sibling live at home includes her brother’s balance between his family life and college life. Although she doesn’t experience the benefits of being an only child, she said she’s grateful he still lives at home.

“It’s kind of annoying that he gets to wake up later than me, but I know he is really busy after school. He is in many clubs, so sometimes I can’t talk to him until (it gets) really late. I am just happy that I still see him often,” Shataakshi said.

On the other hand, Nikhil said he looks forward to seeing his brother only during vacations.

“I’m definitely looking forward to Thanksgiving since it’s a family-oriented holiday,” Nikhil said. “But he’ll still hang out with his friends and catch up on some sleep. He’s already come back home once during his fall break. Things pretty much go back to normal.”