Starting high school is a big step. You’re meeting new people, gaining more independence and starting to explore friendships and maybe even dating. It’s important to learn how to build safe, respectful relationships and know what to do if something doesn’t feel right.

Domestic violence, also called relationship abuse, can happen in teen dating relationships too. It includes physical abuse (hitting, pushing), emotional abuse (name-calling, insults, guilt-tripping), controlling behavior (checking your phone, telling you who to talk to) and threats or pressure (forcing you to do things you’re uncomfortable with).

Warning signs to watch for include the following: you feel scared to say “no,” they get mad if you hang out with friends, they constantly text or want to know where you are and you feel bad about yourself around them.

If any of this sounds familiar, talk to a trusted adult, like a teacher, school counselor, school social worker, administrator or parent. Students can also use the anonymous reporting app to make a Stopit report.

Whether it’s a friendship or a dating relationship, healthy relationships should feel safe and comfortable, allow you to be yourself, include honesty and respect and don’t involve pressure, fear or secrets.

Good communication is key. You should be able to talk about your feelings, listen to each other and solve problems together respectfully.

Boundaries are the rules you set to protect your space, feelings and body. Examples of healthy boundaries include saying “I don’t want to be touched like that,” deciding not to share your passwords, telling a friend you need time alone and saying “no” to something you’re uncomfortable with.

It’s okay to speak up. Real friends and partners will respect your limits. If someone doesn’t, that’s a red flag.

Remember, trust your gut. If something feels wrong, it probably is. Ask for help; you’re never alone. Adults at school are here for you. Respect yourself and others. You deserve kindness and safety in every relationship.

Carter-Mendoza works as a social worker at this school. The views in this column do not necessarily reflect the views of the HiLite staff. Reach Chandra Carter-Mendoza at [email protected].