By Ellie Seta
<[email protected]>

Dealing with divorce around the holidays can be hard, but for some families, like sophomore Jennifer Kahn’s, double holidays are actually a lot less trouble. For Jennifer, whose parents have been divorced for seven years, having multiple holidays between her mother and father’s houses isn’t something that bothers her.

“It is all I have ever known,” Kahn said.

According to a study by the New York University Child Study Center, the holidays can be an especially difficult time for divorced families. They said that the biggest mistakes that a divorced couple can make is to refuse to compromise. According to the study, there are several developmental risks that a child of divorced parents can experience including, issues of attachment, self-esteem and a lack of healthy interpersonal relationships. But the study said this can easily be avoided with a little help and cooperation from the parents.

Jennifer said every holiday is usually spent evenly between both of her parent’s houses.
“I stay with my normal schedule between houses and celebrate Hanukkah that way even if it means celebrating the holidays when they are over,” Jennifer said.

But Jennifer said although both of her parents celebrate Hanukkah, they both have different traditions. Jennifer said her dad celebrates Hanukkah more traditionally than her mom does. Her dad also is remarried, so Jennifer said their holiday celebrations are a lot bigger because her stepmother’s family is also included in the celebrations. Jennifer said the question she gets asked all the time is, ‘So, do you get double the presents?’ and she said she usually laughs.

“I get asked that so much,” Jennifer said. “The only reason I get more than usual is because of my step mom’s family who gives me presents too.”

Sophomore Kaitlyn Davis said she can relate to Jennifer situation because she said she too has divorced parents. Davis said the holiday season is still enjoyable even though her parents are divorced and she does not miss out on anything.

“We usually do what we did when we were one family,” Davis said. “So it is really like we are not missing out on anything we just celebrate it twice.”

In fact, Davis said she actually likes having two Christmases better.

“I really like it because it is not like you are with the same people all day,” Davis said. “Also because I get double the presents.”

Davis, whose parents have been divorced for three years, said her parents being divorced has make things a lot better in the end.

Counselor Bettina Cool said the holidays are a hard time for kids who have parents that are divorced.
“Kids are always going to feel like they want their parents to be together,” Cool said. “Honesty is the most important thing to remember.”

Jennifer’s mom said she understands that divorce is a difficult time for any family to go through but she said she does think that the age of the child plays a big role in how much they are affected.

“But no matter what the ages are, when the children are with a parent, I think it is important for that parent to make sure it is quality time spent together,” Mrs. Kahn said. “The kids need to know they are important and they are loved.”

Jennifer said her parents get along for the most part and even live in the same neighborhood, which she said makes dealing with the divorce a lot easier. But Jennifer said that it was not always so easy.

“I remember the first Hanukkah at my dad’s new house,” Jennifer said. “I did not feel like I could fully celebrate because my mom was not there.”

Cool said divorce also has a lot of negative effects that effect kids in different ways. “It can be a lot worse if after the divorce the parents can’t agree on things,” Cool said. “It is definitely better when the parents can work together and compromise. I see children that do well with divorce but also those who get very depressed and sometimes even blame themselves.”

But for Jennifer she said that her parents’ divorce has not been as hard as people might think.

“My family is so much better off now that my parents are divorced,” Jennifer said. “We are all so much happier.

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DIVORCE STATS IN AMERICA

The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage
50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.”

According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%

The divorce rate in America for childless couples and couples with children
According to discovery channel, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples.

Sociologists believe that childlessness is also a common cause of divorce. The absence of children leads to loneliness and weariness and even in the United States, at least 66 per cent of all divorced couples are childless.

Age at marriage for those who divorce in America:

DIVORCERATE.ORG / SOURCE