The following is a work of satire and is in no way meant to represent true events. Approaching a yellow light on the intersection of Towne and 116th this weekend, sophomore and drivers ed student, Aaron Surface made a series of awkward stops and starts, wondering whether or not he was at an appropriate distance to drive through. “It’s equivalent to trying to mentally calculate logarithms,” said Surface. “The book says stop within 50 feet, but I mean come on, who can honestly say that they can properly estimate 50 feet. The driving instructor says to stop far back, but my dad says to just go through it if I have enough time. So it comes down to whether I want to listen to the professional that I barely know or the amateur that has been giving me advice my whole life.” Yield signs have also proven to be quite the enigma for Surface. “What’s even the point? They’re just like a roll through stop sign. There’s one in my neighborhood and every time that I have to drive by it I think ‘Oh boy, here we go again’. I really wish that I could meet Clinton Riggs (yield sign inventor) and just punch him in the face.”