For senior Ashlyn Higley, applying to college was a difficult, stressful process. 

“I definitely think the competitiveness of applying to colleges, especially among your careers, is a lot of pressure,” Higley said. 

Higley, majoring in pre-pharmacy, applied to six different colleges including IU Bloomington, Butler, IU Indianapolis, University of Illinois Chicago, University of Cincinnati and Purdue. Higley was accepted to every school except Purdue, which deferred her.

“I’m very anxious to hear back from Purdue,” Higley said. “That’s really my main choice.”

Higley said she struggled initially with the deferral.

“When I first applied I had a little freak-out because what if I don’t get into any of them? Then I heard back from IU Indy and I was like, ‘Okay, you have at least one option,’” Higley said.

But Higley said she still worried, something that Melinda Stephan said she sees in students. Melinda Stephan, college and career programming coordinator, said she somewhat compares the college rejection and deferral process to the grieving process.

“You’re grieving something that you thought was going to be or something you’ve lost, an opportunity or an experience,” Stephan said.

Stephan said after hearing back from a college, she goes through a process with students to figure out next steps, but it all starts with an initial reaction.

Initial reaction

Stephan said when she talks to students before applying, they try to build a “balanced list” to mitigate some of the negative reactions and disappointment.

“(It’s) a list of schools they know they can get into and they feel pretty good about, maybe a few reaches, but any school on their list they would be happy at,” Stephan said. “We always say, ‘Love your list.’ In other words, don’t create a list that you wouldn’t be happy landing at one of those schools, even if one (college) rises to the top.”

Senior Uma Wadawadigi said she wants to major in Chemistry. Wadawadigi applied to IU Bloomington, Purdue, Ball State, University of Southern Indiana, as well as Ivy League schools (UPenn, Northwestern and Brown).

Wadawadigi was rejected from some of the chemistry programs she applied to, despite getting into the schools themselves. She said she was initially upset to hear she was rejected.

“It’s a little bit hard because it’s hard not to take it personally,” Wadawadigi said. “It hurts when you first find out.”

Despite knowing she had options, Higley said the deferral from Purdue still hurt initially.

“I was pretty upset at first but honestly, if it happens, it happens,” Higley said. “That’s just kind of how things are. You’re not going to get everything you want. I’ve still gone to some amazing schools so I’m still excited to go to college.”

Mental health

Stephan said she hopes rejections and deferrals from colleges don’t take a huge toll on students’ mental health.

“What frustrates me about deferrals is it just causes students to have to keep waiting and that’s hard, right? That’s stressful for anybody,” Stephan said.

Wadawadigi said she thought the college application process took a toll on her.

“I think it's really stressful. It’s just a very long process and you put a lot of work into it. I mean, you basically wait for three to four months before you find out anything,” Wadawadigi said.

But Wadawadigi said while waiting she found it helpful to change her perspective and look at it in a different way so she wouldn’t take the rejections personally.

“I think it’s hard, at least for me, to look at (the process) rationally, because it’s really hard to separate yourself from it,” Wadawadigi said, “but I think it’s important to just look at it and be like, it wasn’t going to be the right school for my year. It wasn’t going to be the right space for me.”

Higley also said she found the admissions process difficult and draining.

“It was a very, very boring process and I feel like a lot of people, by the end of it, feel like they’re not good enough for a lot of colleges,” Higley said. “I think (for) a lot of kids, especially those who feel a ton of pressure on themselves to get into these amazing schools, when you hear other people talking about their scores (or) their grades, (you think), ‘Wow, I’m not that good. Where am I going to get into?’”

But with her deferral, Higley also said adjusting her mindset helped her.

“When I have upsetting moments, I definitely try to think about the big picture,” Higley said. “I’m not very much a destiny person but I’m kind of like, ‘I’ll go where the wind takes me.’” 

Specifically, after Higley finished her applications, she said she took a moment to relax.

“I took a breath and I was like, ‘It’s done. I’m not going to think about it again. As long as I get into one college I’m fine,’” Higley said. 

Stephan said when students come to her after a rejection or deferral from a college she works out the next steps with them to try and help, while also trying to help with their mindset.

“So the first thing I’m always going to tell a student is, let’s look at what they sent you and let’s follow the directions,” Stephan said. “Then the mom and counselor in me is sort of working the whole time to make sure that the student I’m sitting across from understands there will be options. (You just) have to take this one step at a time.”

Final thoughts

Higley said she is excited about her different college options, especially considering the scholarship she received from Butler. She said she hopes her fellow students try not to stress themselves out too much about the college application process.

“Don’t put so much pressure on yourself because you’ll get in somewhere,” Higley said. “I know there’s this idea of extreme competitiveness and if you’re not the best you’re not going to get in anywhere, but that’s just not true. A lot of schools would be so lucky to have some of the students here. Just keep yourself in perspective.”

Stephan said she agreed perspective and mindset can be helpful to feeling better after a rejection or deferral.

“There are a lot of schools that turn away really qualified students. They just can’t take them all and so trying to change that mindset a little bit for sure (helps),” Stephan said. “Whether they didn’t get what they wanted from the college or if it didn’t go exactly as planned, it’s trying to change that mindset a little bit and focus on what they do have.”