For sophomore Emaan Thind, having an older brother meant having a role model, supporter and friend from the day he was born.

“Me and my brother are 12 months apart (in age), so we’re pretty close to each other,” Emaan said. “Because of that, we have a really good relationship with each other.”

Emaan’s relationship with his brother mirrors that of many students across the United States. According to a study conducted by Demographic Research, 82% of children under age 18 live with at least one sibling. Additionally, the same study found around half of their discretionary time is spent with each other. Shawn Thind, Emaan’s older brother and junior, said he feels a similar closeness with his brother and often spends time with him outside of school.

“We’ve grown up with each other for practically our whole lives,” Shawn said, “so we spend a lot of time doing things together like walking our dog, playing board games or just having fun.”

Comparison at school

But sometimes that closeness can lead to comparison between siblings. Counselor Melinda Stephan said she frequently comes across topics of personal identity and comparison to older siblings when reading college essays.

“Even this year, I read essays that were written by current seniors who had older siblings,” Stephan said, “and part of their essays centered on this idea of trying to live up to their older sibling’s experiences or performance. It could be academic, it could be athletic, and a lot of the time the theme of the essays was sort of realizing they just needed to be themselves.”

Emaan said he hears about his older sibling’s reputation at school from others.

“I’ve definitely heard about him from other students, usually stuff about him being good in school,” Emaan said.

For his part, Shawn said he doesn’t experience much comparison with his brother at school by teachers or students.

“We both play defending center back in soccer, so we’re usually compared when it comes to things like our playing styles,” Shawn said. “In terms of school, I would say we take similar classes, but we’re not necessarily compared that much.”

Stephan said comparison is relatively common in regards to college searching and application processes.

“I’ll often see that comparison happen in those conversations. Not good or bad, but that comparison absolutely exists,” Stephan said. “Sometimes a student, younger siblings, their choices can often be affected by the experiences [their older siblings] had.”

While Shawn recognized many people’s expectations of similarity, he said his and Emaan’s differences exist too.

“A lot of people say we look very identical. I do see people expecting him to be similar to me, but I will say he is a much better soccer player than I am and I think I’m more academically driven, so we differ in that aspect,” Shawn said.

Subverting expectations

Stephan said it is crucial to point out the differentiations between siblings and their distinct identities when considering paths for the future, especially in schooling.

“I’m a mom, and I have two children. They are about three and a half years apart,” Stephan said. “We all absolutely want to treat our kids as individuals with different interests, different strengths and different personalities. My two kids are very different, so we want to be careful about assuming that one individual path is necessarily better or one of your kid’s experiences is less than.”

Emaan said though he shares some values with his older brother, there are clear differences between the two of them.

“I feel like for sure we’re different in personality, and we’re definitely different based on, like, outside activities like sports,” Emaan said. “I would describe myself as more of an athletic person than an academic person.”

Shawn agreed and said their differences were most prevalent when it came to their academic life and work ethic.

“I think Emaan is more carefree and doesn’t stress as much, whereas I’m more of a control freak,” Shawn said. “I value hard work and grit, and he differs in the fact that he’s more lenient with his work.”

Additionally, Shawn said he feels a large responsibility to ensure he sets a good example for his younger brother, specifically when it comes to academics.

“I definitely want to be a role model, and I would consider myself one in terms of grades and working hard at school,” Shawn said. “I feel like I play a large part in making sure that he’s on the right track. I think Emaan tries to do the same things as me—like he looks up to me—but he differs [from me].”

Stephan said the guidance of an older sibling is a positive resource in regulation.

“I think there are things you can take away from an older sibling that are absolutely positive, but always keep in mind that you are an individual and that you should follow your strengths, your passions, your interests that separate you as a person,” Stephan said.

Emaan said while he greatly values his brother’s support, he doesn’t feel the need to follow directly in his footsteps and is content with heading in his own path.

“I feel like right now, I’m doing fine myself. I’m good,” Emaan said. “But it’s always good to have him there as a role model.”