I have a list on my phone where I write down the birthdays of every person I know. Additionally, next to their name, I write down gift ideas for those I know well. Sometimes these gift ideas are elaborate and time-consuming, but sometimes, it’s as simple as a letter or a certain type of candy I know they like. I love birthdays because they’re a built-in excuse to get people physical gifts and the act of giving people tangible objects serves as an effective and permanent reminder of how much they mean to me.

The other love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch and acts of service) are all fantastic. Overall, I’m an incredibly affectionate person, so I make a habit of practicing all five as much as I can. However, the aforementioned four love languages all have one common denominator: they’re fleeting. They leave you feeling fulfilled and happy, but when you’re not physically present with the people you love, you’re left with nothing but memories. 

When you give people gifts, they serve as palpable reminders of how much you care for them, even when you’re far away. I rarely ever get to see my best friend of nearly a decade, but when I miss them, I have birthday gifts, handwritten cards, letters and photographs to look back on. Since neither of us are in a position to spend a lot of time together, we give each other little gifts at random times to make sure we remain connected and feel loved.

I know some people may make the argument that gift-giving is shallow or materialistic, and this may be the case if this love language was only about buying expensive things that have no sentimental worth. However, gifts don’t have to have monetary value to be meaningful– you can assign an emotional value to just about anything. I have jars of leaves in my room. I have oversized and overworn hoodies. I have ticket stubs and beaded bracelets and crumpled origami cranes. If I tried to sell any of these things, I’d get next to nothing in return, but these objects still count as highly valuable gifts in my eyes. After all, they remind me of the people I love most.

I love physical affection and compliments and spending time with people I care about. But the little gifts I give and receive during our time together are by far my favorite. I get concrete mementos of my friends and family, and even if they’re not technically worth a penny, they mean the world to me.

The views in this column do not necessarily reflect the views of the HiLite staff. Reach Evelyn Foster at efoster@hilite.org.